it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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