Your tits are I can't wait for
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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