Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
