My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
