After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
