I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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