She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
