I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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