We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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