I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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