I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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