put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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