I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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