I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
In America we eat man semen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
