May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
