you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize