We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
