His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
