I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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