How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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