I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
