Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
