im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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