If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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