I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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