it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
