I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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