You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
