The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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