Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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