Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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