I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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