I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
