my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
