all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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