just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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