Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
