We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
