Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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