Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize