Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
