I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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