Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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