So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
