I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
