it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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