Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
