THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
