Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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