I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
