i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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