Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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