You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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