The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
