It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You ruined the universe
You are a genius and a whore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
