Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
