i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Randomize
