dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
