at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm always down for nudity.
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