btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
