We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
