Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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