im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
