He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
