I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
too bad you live with your parents still
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
