well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
