I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
