I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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